Archive for the ‘Sex Rant’ Category

Just watched an incredibly powerful TEDX as Juno Mac makes a case for the decriminalization of sex work.

In just under 18 minutes, she nailed it! Well done and worth the share.

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Flare Magazine…you have been caught with your pants down and I like it.

While waiting to see my hairstylist, I spotted your February, 2016 edition of Flare Magazine boldly advertising “The LOVE & SEX ISSUE”.  Out of bored curiosity, I flipped to page 84 expecting to find typical stories like “What to buy your lover for Valentine’s”, or “How to turn up the heat this Valentine’s with chocolate, satin sheets and erotic massage”.

Instead, you had your eyes wide open covering 50 shades of SEX with stories about pegging (girls with strap-ons doing boys), cock and ball torture, and “Diary of a Poly Girl – a week in the life of my three-way relationship”.

One of your readers, soon to be ex I’m guessing, commented on your “pegging perversion” citing “Again, disgusting material.  I bet he goes gay after he finds out how good pegging feels…”.   Well Melanie, if you don’t like it, don’t read it?  And if you prefer to limit your intimate encounters to strictly bedroom basics then I say…whatever floats your boat.  But for those of us that wish to move beyond the missionary, what gives you the right to judge?

Flare Magazine, I applaud you for having the courage to publish articles on sexuality that most are too uncomfortable to talk about.  Proof that we are entering an era of acceptance and tolerance where piano legs no longer need to be covered, we can serve chicken legs to our dinner guests and yes, women do actually like sex.

Thank you flare magazine!

And to my readers…please support Flare Magazine’s style by reading some of these articles…

Adventures in Pegging

Diary of a Polyamorous Relationship

Six Women Confess Their Secret Kinks


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How is it that in the 21st century, we can put a man on the moon, we have a black president, we can grow human organs from stem cells, and gay marriage is legal in some states, but we still can’t wrap our heads around sex?

When it comes to the topic of sex, we’re like lambs to the slaughter.  We do and say what we’re programmed by society to do; just as our predecessors did in the Victorian Era.  Imagine…

During the 19th century, it was believed that discharging semen could shorten your life.

It was considered indelicate to offer a lady a “leg of chicken” for fear that you would give over to your urges and pounce over the dinner table to copulate – obscene!

Table and piano legs were to be covered so as not to invoke sexual urges.

Parents went to great lengths to protect the health of their sons by fitting them with locked penis cages and other devices that made erections too painful to endure.

William Hammond, U.S. Surgeon General, said that nine tenths of the time decent women had no pleasure from intercourse.

And God forbid you have sex for pleasure!  Based on the highly influential workings of Kraft-Ebing (publisher of “Psychopathia Sexualis”), sex for pleasure that does not induce pregnancy is a perversion of biology and God’s will.   (rape good…masturbation bad).

Today, these ideals seem absurd, unbelievable, and perhaps even as mythical as the theory that “the world is flat”.

But in the 19th century, scientific fact was not available to support these ideas.  Instead, they were shaped by the popular opinions of scholars, doctors, psychologists, religious leaders and other influencers and society embraced them unwaveringly.

“When the society says it’s good to have sex then it’s psychologically sick not to, and when the society says it’s bad to have sex then it’s psychologically sick to [have sex].  William A. Henkin

150 years may have passed, and although our ideals have changed, our thought process is still the same – when it comes to sex, we still judge, we still fear, we still feel guilt and we are still driven by societal norms based on opinions of modern day influencers.

Sadly, we are still repressed.

Maybe one day, we will receive all the scientific proof that we need to support the concept that “sex is good” just as “the world is round”.

And only then, “society” will transform into free thinking individuals that can explore sex safely, not judge and have fun without guilt!

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Ignorance is Bliss?

I have a friend who is single. She just happens to have genital herpes which can make dating a tad more complicated. Last week, she met a match on a well known dating website. After making an online connection, but before heading out on her first date, she very politely let him know that she is herpes positive so that he could make an informed decision before things got too out of hand.

I would like to hope that most would take the opportunity to get educated, or simply bow out gracefully. But this particular “Jack” exploded and called her every name in the book from slut to whore to everything in between. When I heard about his simple minded response, I was disgusted.

It’s no wonder that so many people are ashamed to talk about and deal with this issue. It’s no wonder that so many choose to simply ignore their situation and continue to contribute to the spread of herpes. It’s a wonder that my friend doesn’t just keep her mouth shut and take her chances in the future.

My friend should be commended! She is incredibly brave and is blazing the trail in open sexual communication. Herpes is one of many STIs out there and people need to talk about the facts in order to stop the spread of this disease and others like it.

Facts about Herpes
• At least one in four Americans will contract an STD at some point in their lives.
• One in five Americans has genital herpes (at least 80% are not aware they have it)
• Many people who have genital herpes are unaware that they have the virus because they have no symptoms, mild symptoms, or mistake the symptoms for other conditions such as jock itch, yeast infections, razor burn or allergic reactions to detergents.
• Genital herpes can be transmitted during vaginal, anal or oral sex even if the infected person has no open sores or any other symptoms of infection.
• Condom use reduces the risk of getting genital herpes and other STIs. However, when using a condom, remember that the exposed areas of skin are still unprotected. To prevent spread of the virus during oral sex use a condom on the penis and a condom cut lengthwise or a dental dam over the female genital area

I don’t know why I continue to be surprised at how ignorant and judgmental people can be when it comes to sexuality and sexual health. Stop judging and get educated. When it comes to sex, ignorance is only bliss until that morning you wake up with open sores on your naughty bits.

And for those of you living with STDs, there is still hope of finding your match. Check out positive singles – The best, largest, completely anonymous and most trusted personals network for STD singles and friends in the world. (More than blog worthy)

You’re not alone!

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The past three months have been a whirlwind of activity.  Hubby and I have been absolutely buried working on the renovation of our new 8000 square foot events centre.    And now that I actually have a millisecond to breath, I wanted to take a moment to share a few points I learned along the way about surviving renovations in relationships…

  1. Everything you hear about couples and renovations is TRUE! (Now multiply that by one hundred and you just might have a sense of what it’s like to renovate 8000 square feet with your partner instead of just the kitchen or bathroom in your home.  (Let’s just say that Hubby and I spent a few months in renovation hell!!)
  2. No matter how strong your relationship is, there will be times that you will yell, throw things, cry, question your sanity, question your partner’s sanity and perhaps even consider throwing in the towel and just walking away. but you have to resist the urge and remember that when your partner yells at you in frustration (assuming it’s out of character), don’t take it personally. In fact, consider giving each other permission…and no, that’s not a typo. One of the smartest decisions we made during this project was to allow each other to yell, cry, scream and even throw a temper tantrum at each other as much as necessary during this project (kind of like a renovation hall pass). Now normally, I would not typically promote this type of behaviour, but extreme times call for extreme measures. And sometimes, you just need to throw the hoity toity “let’s all sit down over tea and talk nicely about how we feel” crap out the window. But, there is a catch. First you need to talk about the intensity of the current situation and ASK your partner permission. And secondly, you need to agree that once the project is over and the pressure is off, you’ll spend twice as much time reminding your partner of all the things you love and appreciate about them so they know the relationship is still rock solid!
  3. Things are so much easier when just one person leads. This doesn’t mean that one of you has to give up complete creative authority. It simply means that you should consider assigning ownership over specific tasks and decisions. Once critical tasks are assigned, do not step on toes. You must trust your partner to do the right thing, even if you know that sometimes they’ll do the wrong thing.
  4. Accept the fact that you will BOTH make mistakes and avoid continually pointing out your partner’s shortcomings as this will only make things worse. Your partner will appreciate it so much more if you simply show them love and support every step of the way. Honestly, does it really matter if they put the screw in the wrong hole. It can all be fixed so lighten up already.
  5. In the last three weeks before the soft opening, we barely had time to eat, sleep or even give each other a kiss in passing. We were bickering about everything. In all honesty, it was probably the most trying time in our relationship. But despite all that, we always found ways to pick each other up. Each time I hit a really low point I would tell Hubby and he would always dig deep to find the strength to pick me up and carry me for awhile. When Hubby was at his lowest point he let me know and I somehow managed to find the strength to carry him. The key was letting each other know when we hit rock bottom. Although working with your partner on a critical project poses some unique challenges, it also comes with the amazing benefit of having them right there by your side motivating you and cheering you on when you feel like you just can’t move forward any longer.

So, the moral of the story is that once again, communication prevails as the number one cure for relationship woes. If you’re under a lot of stress, ask your partner for permission to act in a way that is out of character for just a while to help you through the rough patches. But then remember when it’s all over, put in twice as much effort showering them with love and affection. In any loving relationship, your partner will understand and is there for you during the good times and the bad. Just one more way to make sure your relationship remains ROCK SOLID!

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Taboo?…not really!

This January, I had the pleasure of attending and exhibiting at the eighth annual “Taboo Naughty but Nice Sex Show” hosted in Vancouver by Canwest Shows.   For many of the exhibitors, the show was touted as a huge success.  According to the show organizers, this year’s show was the biggest ever and boasted attendance by over 45,000 Vancouverites.
This was my fourth year exhibiting at Taboo, and although my own booth was pandemonium, I did manage to squeeze in a bit of time on Sunday to do some investigative work.  My goal…to boldly go where no woman has gone before.  To find a shiny new treasure for my tickle trunk.  To secure something that would really make me go ohhhhhh.
And so, I began combing the aisles booth by booth filled with vibrators, glass toys, lingerie, sexy shoes…seen it all before.  Tattoos, piercings, lifestyle resorts, dungeon, sex furniture and restraints…been there, done that.  Hot tubs, towels, make-up, microdermabrasion…why are they at the sex show anyway?  And finally ended my search with an exhibit where I could superimpose a picture of my head in over top of dancing cowboys….sigh.
And so I ended my search without finding a single “ooooooh” in the show.  But if not for the “shock factor”, why then did 45,000 Vancouverites go to the naughtiest show in Canada?
For the next hour, I made use of my “media” power and interviewed unsuspecting attendees to find out what was so “Taboo” at Taboo.  I was hopeful at first.  I expected to get some fun and shocked reactions to some of my more explicit questions, but alas there was nothing that really stood out.  In fact, the thing that wowwed me the most at the naughtiest show in Canada was how thoroughly “unwowwable” we (the general population) are when it comes to sex.   (just writing that sends shivers down my spine)
Thanks to the media, the internet and of course the sexual revolution, even the general population is tough to wow when it comes to sex.  So why then do 45000 people still walk through the doors Canada’s naughtiest trade show?
It’s about the EXPERIENCE.   For only $20 you get hours of entertainment that includes burlesque dancing, pole dancing, beer garden, dungeon play, free seminars by some great educators (including yours truly…couldn’t resist the plug), a plethora of sexy eye candy, some great deals, and of course a massive one stop shopping opportunity to refill your tickle trunk with all the things you wore out over the last year and all the things that you’ve been fantasizing about trying this year.
So next year, don’t miss out on the Taboo Naughty but Nice Sex show.  It may not be shocking, but it is definitely a fun and economical way to spend the day with your lover, or your friends.
For more details on next year’s show coming November, 2009, visit the Canwest Shows website.

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According to the Great Canadian Male Sex Survey, 93% of men feel that it’s important that their partners have an orgasm during sex.  But why then do 25% of women routinely fake an orgasm?  And why is it that only 57% of Canadian women routinely have an orgasm during sex (source: Chatelaine Sex Survey)?  Could it be that for some reason, women are still reluctant to tell their partners what they want?  Is it possible that old stereotypes still rule?

When I was growing up, it was cool for the guys to talk about sex and their “sexual conquests”.  Guys went out to the bar with the explicit goal of “gettin’ some” by the end of the night.  In contrast, if the girls talked about it, we were labeled as sluts or promiscuous.     And if we were the “one night” stand at  the bar we were certainly “not the marrying type”.

Ladies, it’s time to throw those old stereotypes out the window and take control of your sex lives!  If you’re in a relationship, it’s ok to talk about sex.  Men are not mind readers.  Start talking about sex with your partner, not the gals at the sex toy party (who can’t do a damn thing about it).  If your partner is like 93% of Canadian men, then he wants to know and he wants you to feel pleasure.

But alas, talking about sex is a sensitive subject that needs to be explored with decorum and panache.   Becoming sexually empowered does not mean storming in and venting about all the things “he did wrong” in the sack.  You need to “wipe the slate clean” and get ready to embark on a sexual adventure.  You’ll have far better results focusing on the positive…tell your man what really turns you on…right down to the very last naughty detail.

Be vocal in bed.  If you like what he’s doing, make sexy sounds or whisper in his ear “how good it feels”.  And if he still doesn’t quite “hit the spot” then show him.  And if you can’t show him because don’t know what works for you, then you need to engage in a little self self pleasure…Oh yes ladies…I said it…the dreaded “M” word!  Because if you don’t know what turns you on, how is he supposed to figure it out!  If you’ve done enough self exploration, you’ll have no problem communicating your desires.

And men, you’re not completely absolved of responsibility here…to take things to the next level, you need to clean the slate too.  Throw the ego out the window and get ready for a wild ride.  It’s possible that your partner has been harboring a few sexy fantasies that might just surprise you.  To keep things moving in the right direction, you need to be open minded and non-defensive.  Contrary to popular belief, we don’t expect you to know everything about sex.  We just need to know you’re listening.  Top that off with sexy words of encouragement and a few compliments (to help us get over our “body image” hang-ups) , and we’ll turn into sex kittens with an insatiable sexual appetite…and before you know it, your sex life will be topping the charts.

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