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Hello, I have recently learned that I can squirt, and I’m wondering what are the things that women love most about  it? (because it didn’t happen while I was orgasming) I’m still not sure if I like it yet…am I missing something?

Curious

Dear Curious:
Squirting is different for everyone.  Some RAVE about it and describe it in legendary terms…the Holy Grail of sex so to speak.  While others can take it or leave it.  Those that love it describe it as more of a deep, full body orgasm vs a clitoral orgasm which is generally more like an intense short burst.  Those that can take it or leave it can do without the extra laundry that comes with the clean up.

Honestly, don’t worry about what other women love about it.  Just focus on whether it feels good for you.  Just be sure to try it a few times as you might find it gets better as you become more comfortable with it.  Over time, you may even learn to control it which can actually be kind of fun – and who says great sex can’t come with a few laughs along the way.

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When done right, anal sex can be quite a pleasurable experience.  Try a few of these techniques to get ready for all the pleasures of anal play for both you and your partner:

1. Take a shower before hand.

Some  people are adverse to trying anal sex because they are afraid that it might be dirty.  It is possible and may be even probable that you might actually encounter some fecal residue from time to time.  This is perfectly normal, however, you can reduce the possibility of this happening by having a bowel movement and even a warm shower to reduce the possibility of this happening.  Plus, a soothing shower may help to relax you and get you in the mood.

2. Try sensual massage to help you relax.

The main cause of discomfort during anal play is primarily due to the tensing of the sphincter.  A sensual massage will help you to relax and get in the mood making you more receptive to anal play by enabling you to relax the sphincter muscles.

3. Use lots of lubricant to ease entry.

When it comes to anal sex, you can never use too much lubricant.  A good lubricant will make penetration smoother and easier.  Of course if you’re using condoms (recommended), choose a water based lubricant so as not to erode the integrity of the condom.

4. Take baby steps.

There are many highly pleasurable erotic nerve endings around the outside of the anal area.  Start slowly by simply massaging the outside of the anal area or even using toys and vibrators around the rim to enhance the pleasure and get you accustomed to being touched there.

When you’re ready, have your partner insert one well lubricated finger and gently massage and circle around the inside of the anal canal to gently stretch it.

Over time, your partner may be able to insert two fingers and then work their way up from there until you are finally ready for and comfortable with penile insertion.   Using other smaller toys such as small butt plugs and anal beads are great tools to help relax and stretch the sphincter muscle over time to help get you ready for anal sex.

5. Play safe.

Bum sex can be risky business.  Be sure to cut your finger nails prior to inserting them into the anal cavity, or wear a finger condom to avoid causing tears.

In addition, once a finger, penis, or toy has penetrated the anal area, do not then reinsert into the vaginal area without proper cleaning.    Otherwise, you may find yourself with a nasty urinary infection.  The safest way to enjoy anal sex is to use a condom.

Be sure to keep in mind that everybody is different…some will be able to work up to full penile penetration fairly quickly while others may take multiple play sessions to work up to this level.  But, whatever you do, don’t “force the issue” so to speak.  If you’re in pain, it means you are not ready.

When trying something for the first time, communication before, during and after is paramount.  Remember, sex is an adventure…sometimes it pays to take the scenic route instead of barreling full speed down the highway.

Play safe, and of course…have fun.

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